


Come Home

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: A Thousand Ways [22]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Believable Steve McGarrett characterization, But not more than I hated the finale, Feels, First Kiss, I hate these two so much - Freeform, I will never have peace, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: "You stupid son of a bitch." (Post-ep fix it to the H50 series finale)
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: A Thousand Ways [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/625055
Comments: 22
Kudos: 320





	Come Home

**Author's Note:**

> I have been telling myself since season 6 that I was going to stop fixing 5-0s current canon. With the series finale, though, I thought I finally had an irrefutable argument. Surely there was no way I could make Steve's actions in those last scenes even begin to make sense with his larger character. Surely the entire episode – nay, the entire season - had been so broken and out of character as to be utterly irreparable.
> 
> Once again, in the final possible moment, I have been proven wrong. Damn these boys.

Steve surfaced from unconsciousness to the sound of beeping monitors, an even more familiar refrain in the last few months than in the previous 10 years. Cath had accused him of being more reckless than usual, but he didn’t know what she’d expected. He’d asked her for help tracking down rumors of his not-as-dead-as-advertised mother, and if there was anything more self-destructive Steve could devote his time to he didn’t know what it was. He’d asked her along because she was a friend, even after everything, and even burning yourself out was better with a friend at your side. Besides, the most dangerous missions were always better with backup you could trust.

The big question, though, was whether he still had that backup. She’d been furious at him, and he should probably be grateful she’d dragged him to the nearest hospital. She probably wasn’t even still in the—

“You stupid son of a bitch.”

At the sound of Danny’s voice, as furious and hurt as he’d ever heard it, every other thought fled from Steve’s head. He opened his eyes slowly, heart pounding loudly enough to probably upset the EKG. He was more afraid than he’d been since Danny’s kidnapping, both of Danny himself and the thing twisting through his chest that would betray him the moment it got the chance.

It stabbed him, hard, the moment his gaze met Danny’s. This, though, was less a betrayal and more the start of a well-deserved punishment for putting that look on Danny’s face. He looked _haunted_ , the dark circles under his eyes deep enough that he’d missed more than a few nights of sleep. Whether it was because of the kidnapping or whatever had dragged him out here, every inch of it was Steve’s fault.

It was better for Danny when Steve was gone. But he was here, still, just like he’d been in Afghanistan.

Steve swallowed, voice raspy for reasons that had nothing to do with his injuries. “What are you doing here?”

Fury rose like a wave inside Danny. “I’m getting my teeth cleaned. What the fuck do you think I’m doing here?” He shot up out of his chair to start pacing, radiating enough anger he could have probably powered a small city with it. “Catherine called me. Said you were on a suicide run big enough to freak even her out, so she decided to call me to see if I could do anything.” There was an edge in his voice, sharp enough to draw blood. “Why she thought it would work, I have no idea. Maybe she just assumed I’d be so mad I’d kill you before you could manage it yourself.”

He hadn’t told her it was about Danny. That it was _always_ about Danny, in one way or another. He guessed everyone who looked at him just knew. “You didn’t have—”

Danny whirled on him then, the pain in his eyes enough to stop Steve’s voice cold. “Don’t you _dare_ finish that sentence.” Then his shoulders sagged, exhaustion leaking through to steal away some of the anger. “You told me you were tired. That you wanted a _break_. Not that you were looking for an exciting new location to be buried in!”

Steve closed his eyes. He’d been tortured plenty of times in his life, but seeing Danny’s face right now was more than he could take. “I am tired, Danny.”

“Of what? Living?” The bitterness in his voice was a slap, and it made Steve even less prepared for when it suddenly gentled. “I know you think your mother might still be alive, but…”

Steve cut him off. The last thing he could handle right now was Danny’s kindness. “It’s not about her.” Not entirely true, but the full explanation – making sure her schemes couldn’t touch Danny again – wasn’t one Danny would accept. No matter how much he complained, he was always willing to take on more danger for the people he cared about.

It was why Steve had tried so hard to smile as he left. To pretend everything was okay. To make it seem like leaving Hawaii would somehow be _better_ for him.

Things could never be better without Danny. But, in some ways, they were easier.

Steve sighed. Maybe there _was_ one way to make it so Danny would no longer come after him, even if someone called. “I just… I couldn’t do it anymore.”

He knew he’d said it wrong when the hurt flared in Danny’s eyes, worse than a thousand knives. “See, when you said that before, I assumed you meant getting _shot_ at regularly.” The words were rough, stealing some of the heat Danny had no doubt meant them to have. “But since you raced out here to do that pretty much all on your own, I assume that means the part you couldn’t handle was the _team_ bit. Having a fucking _family_ around you.”

Steve desperately tried to scrape together a better answer. He’d wanted to make Danny cut him off completely, but he couldn’t leave it like this. “That’s not—”

He’d started pacing again, too fueled by everything inside him to even pause for breath. “If you needed the jungle so bad you could have gone back into the fucking Navy!”

“I’m not—”

“You lied to me, you _asshole_. You looked me straight in the eyes and pretended this was all some fucking adventure that would help you find your inner zen, and the entire time you were really—”

The words exploded out of him. “I was tired of trying to pretend everything was okay!”

Steve couldn’t remember the last time he’d yelled anything that wasn’t orders in a combat situation, and the surprise that he’d done it now was enough to stop Danny in his tracks for a moment. He turned again, studying Steve’s face. Whatever he saw there seemed to answer some question in his head, enough that his expression shifted into the old familiar “you’re an idiot” look Steve had seen so often over the years. Here, now, it was enough to make Steve’s throat tighten. “That’s what you talk to people for, dipshit. If not your friends, there are these things called therapists. I haven’t spent much time with them, but I hear they do good work.”

Steve swallowed, even that small moment enough to ramp up the old familiar pull inside him. If Danny asked him to come home right now, Steve knew he’d say yes. And he couldn’t let that happen. “It wouldn’t have made any difference, Danny.”

Danny’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t know that.”

And here it was. Steve closed his eyes, knowing he’d never be able to get the words out otherwise. “If 10 years hasn’t been enough to stop me from being in love with you, I’m pretty sure a therapist couldn’t manage it.”

There was only silence coming from Danny now, so echoing it felt like the grave. Steve squeezed his eyes shut more tightly, both desperate to see the look on his face and desperate not to even imagine it. He’d come up with a thousand worst-case scenarios for Danny’s reaction, over the years, and they spun through his mind faster than propeller blades as he forced himself to continue. “I never would have imagined how hard it is to pretend not to be in love with somebody. You have to watch yourself, all the time, because it’s so much a part of who you are that it sneaks into everything you do. Everything you say.” He let out a breath, trying to get his heartrate back to something approaching normal. “With everything else that had happened, with how much my grip on everything else was slipping, I knew it was only a matter of time before it came out.”

There was still only silence from Danny. There hadn’t even been the sound of footsteps, though he had no doubt that was coming.

“And then you got kidnapped, and that decided it.” Old terror rose up inside him, one of a thousand ghosts. “I couldn’t risk my mom getting you hurt again, and if I was there that would always be a risk. I should have stayed, waited until you were further along in the recovery process, but if I did that I knew I’d never leave.” He swallowed again, throat raw. “If I didn’t leave, you’d be there when I finally hit the wall. I couldn’t risk that.”

Surely he’d said enough to accomplish his intended goal. Surely he’d laid himself bare enough.

But the words just kept rushing out of him, years of pressure finally allowed to burst free. He couldn’t have stopped it even if someone had pointed a gun at his head. “I should have just been happy with what I had. Even with everything that was missing, it’s a lot more than I ever imagined I _could_ have. I think the old me could have, before.” There was so much more to it than that, years of emotions he’d refused to look at too closely on the off chance that would be what finally broke him. But he didn’t have words for any of it, wouldn’t even with another decade behind him, so he fumbled along with the few words he did have. “But it turns out it’s actually easier to be far away from what you want than close to it. Because when you’re close, you hope.” And there it was, the twisting thing inside him finally wrenched into the light. He didn’t remember hoping, before Danny. “There’s nothing that hurts worse than that.”

Finally, _finally_ , there were footsteps. He braced himself, so sure of what they meant that he didn’t realize what direction they were _going_ in until he felt the touch of hands against his face. His eyes flew open to see Danny above him, expression raw but tender enough to stop Steve’s heart completely. “You stupid son of a bitch,” he whispered, so much love in the words that they sounded like an endearment. His eyes were wet as he leaned down to close the little bit of distance that still lay between them, catching Steve’s mouth in the softest, gentlest kiss he’d ever experienced. It was barely more than a brush of lips, so careful, and it claimed Steve so thoroughly that there was no order of Danny’s Steve wouldn’t have obeyed. Nothing he wouldn’t have been willing to do.

When Danny pulled back, Steve reached for him even as his brain was reeling. “I don’t—” He swallowed, every part of him shaking as Danny’s hand caught his and held on. He kept expecting to wake up. “I don’t understand what’s happening right now.”

Danny just smiled at him. “That’s because you’re stupid.” Then his expression turned rueful. “Of course, I dealt with it by trying to get back with my ex-wife, _again_ , even though I knew for a fact it wasn’t going to work. When it turned out I was right, I tried to convince myself I was in love with a random woman in a bar, almost immediately got her killed, then wrestled with my guilt over that for awhile.” He brought their joined hands up to his mouth, pressing a kiss against the back of Steve’s. “So I guess we’re both really bad at dealing with this whole unrequited love thing.”

Steve felt like he was shaking apart, the hope rising inside him too strongly for there to be room for anything else. “But it’s not—” His voice cracked, broke, and he had to clear his throat before he could try again. “It’s not unrequited?”

“No, it’s not.” The intensity in Danny’s voice, the sheer certainty in it, was enough to steal Steve’s breath. “I love you, Steve. I’m _in_ love with you. I have been for what feels like forever.” He held Steve’s hand tight against his chest, as if someone might try to make him let go. “I don’t care if you don’t come back to 5-0. Hell, _I_ might not go back to 5-0. Just come _home_.”

The last word cracked, and only then did Steve finally realize that Danny was trembling just as badly as he was. Steve’s throat was too tight to trust to words, but he pulled Danny down into the bed with him and tucked him into the little available space there was. Danny grumbled a little about nurses and hospital beds and how it would be Steve’s job to defend them both if all this accidentally knocked out a wire, but when he’d been wedged in properly he pressed his face against Steve’s neck as if just now remembering how to breathe. “I hate you so much,” he whispered, voice wet.

Steve closed his eyes as he pressed his face against Danny’s hair, his own tears spilling out. “I love you, too.”

Danny let out a shuddering breath. “So you’re coming home?” Steve nodded against Danny’s hair, tightening his arms around him. Danny slid his own arms around him, careful of Steve’s injuries but still holding on just as tight. “I wouldn’t have left without you, you know.”

It was a gift Steve was sure he’d never deserve. “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [original fiction,](https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks) my [blog,](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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